


Reality Is A Lie

by oak_aquarium



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:33:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 8,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28323153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oak_aquarium/pseuds/oak_aquarium
Summary: Virgil isn't always the one in the wrong: He isn't always the "evil" one. But, in the eyes of the others, that's all he ever can be. An outcast. But what if he could be something else? What if he had the choice to reset it all?
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Kudos: 2





	1. Introduction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! This chapter has been rewritten, so the next few chapters of the fic may not be as long, nor as good quality. I am working on rewriting all of it, so please have patience with me! I am working on making sure that all the chapters are longer and better quality. 
> 
> (I also have no idea how AO3 works, so apologies if this isn’t the norm here. I have no clue what i’m doing)  
> -Oak from 2021 <3

**Virgil's POV:**  
Shouting. All I could hear was shouting downstairs. I didn’t know what it was about, nor did I care. I just wanted it to stop. Roman was shouting at Logan, who had raised his voice slightly, which worried me a lot. Fantasy and reality really don’t mix well, and these two were living proof of that. My stomach rumbled, and I suddenly realised how hungry I felt.  
“Damn.” I muttered.   
I hated to leave my room at a high-tension time like this. It never helped anyone. However, I hadn’t eaten since lunch.   
Sighing, I got out from under the covers, hesitating before opening the door. Did I need food this badly? I pulled myself together, and opened the door.   
The fighting was loud. Very loud. I stood in the doorway, shaking slightly, before deciding to go downstairs. I took two steps, and peered down. Crap. Logan and Roman were right there. I sighed, and put my hood up, slinking down the stairs as quietly and stealthily as possible. Roman and Logan were too wrapped up in their fight to notice me, so I slinked into the kitchen, being as quiet as possible. I crouched down, looking in the cupboards for some easy food to get. I grabbed some chips and other snacks, and tried to slink back to my room.   
It didn’t work.  
“Virgil!” Patton, the mediator, called to me relieved. “What brings you down here?” He looked at my pleadingly. I held up my snacks.  
“Food.”  
Patton’s face brightened. “Oooh! Do we wanna have some snacks together! And movie time!” He looked around excitedly.  
“Whatever shuts those two up.” I said, sighing.   
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Roman snapped at me.  
“You’re being loud. It’s making me anxious.” I said flatly.  
“You’re always anxious, this is nothing new.” Roman retorted, annoyed.  
“What I meant was more anxious than I normally am, okay?”  
Roman sighed. “Whatever, just stay out of things that aren’t your business.”   
“I’m literally just telling you to shut up.” I said, crossing my arms. “I’m hungry, so I’m going to eat. Patton, wanna come?” I invited him because I could feel the anxiety radiating off of him. It was never good when Patton got anxious. You’d end up with two creativities, or a pissed-off Deceit. A pissed-off Deceit was never good news, either.  
“I’ll pass, Virge. Gotta keep an eye on my other kiddos.” He laughed anxiously.  
“Patton, nobody here is your child.” Logan pointed out.   
“Aw, well you might as well be! I care for you-”  
“Yeah, yeah Patton nobody cares.” Roman interrupted. Patton looked back in shock.  
“I-Oh. Sorry, Roman.” He hung his head.  
“Dude!” I exclaimed, gesturing to Patton.  
“Not “cool,” Roman.” Logan said.  
“Oh, so now you’re ganging up on me too? Is that it?” Roman suddenly got aggressive, and I dropped my chips and backed off.   
“Uh- hey dude! I’m not ganging up on anyone, I-I swear!” I put my arms up in front of my face, but Roman continued to yell.   
“Bullshit! You and Logan are just being assholes to me for no reason!” I didn’t understand why he was being so aggressive towards me, but I took a step back.   
“Dude, I just want food.” I pleaded with him.  
“You’re here to get involved and meddle with things you’re not supposed to! Go have a panic attack, or do your own damn job!” He yelled.  
I took another step back, and fell onto the stair behind me.   
“Roman, that’s quite enough!” Logan said, astounded.”  
“Shut up! You’re only saying that because you think you’re better than everyone else!”  
“Please stop fighting!” I screamed.  
Suddenly they stopped to look at me. It was very out of character for me to yell, but I couldn’t help it.  
“I’m going upstairs now to have my food. Patton, are you okay?” I ignored the presence of Logan and Roman.   
“Uhm... yeah. I’m okay. Go... go get some food in you, alright kiddo?” Patton smiled weakly. I would put up with being called kiddo if it meant this nightmare being over.  
“Sure. Bye.” I couldn’t get out of there any faster than I did. I ran up the stairs, and into my room.   
The alarms light has turned on, though I could have told you that. I heard voices start up again downstairs, and Patton yell at them.   
I let out a sigh, and opened a bag of chips. Tonight was gonna be fun.


	2. Assistance?

As I sat in my room, eating potato chips and watching Steven Universe, I heard a knock at my window. I pushed back the curtains and saw Deceit, smirking at me through the window. I sighed loudly, and shook my head. He pouted dramatically, and I caved and opened the window.   
“Thank you Virgil, you are so kind to let a poor young soul like me in here!” He said.  
“Can you be quiet? What do you want, Fork-tongue?”   
“Virgil, how many times do I have to remind you I’m not an actual snake?” He sighed dramatically.  
“Don’t care, Forky. Now, answer the damn question.” I put it as bluntly as I could. I hated being near Deceit. It reminded me all too much of how it used to be, and I hated how it used to be.  
“The lights are on, Virgil. I was worried.”  
I sighed and put my hand to my forehead. The lights are alarm lights, that signal when somethings wrong, like high anxiety or panic attacks or illness. Unfortunately, most of the time they’re on is because of me.  
“I’ll try to stop it, okay? Now go away, Snakeshit. I’m busy.” I went to unpause, but Deceit hugged my from behind.   
“I miss you.” He said, hugging me tight.  
“And I don’t miss you.” I tried to shake him off of me.  
He mumbled something in reply, and I ignored him.  
“Get off! Can’t you see I don’t want you here!”   
He mumbled again.  
“Why do you keep mumbling?! I’m trying to watch a show!”  
“Liar.” He said loudly. “You’re lying.”  
I froze. “No, I’m not.”  
“Liar.”  
“Shut up! I don’t care about what you have to say, anyways.”  
“Liar.”  
“Shut up!” I turned to look at him. He was silent for a second, before looking at me.  
“You actually miss me?” He smiled slightly.  
“I do _not_ miss you! You’re wrong!” I raised my voice.  
“Liar.”  
I turned away from him. “Go away. I don’t want you here.” I tried to assert some confidence into my voice.  
“Liar.” he whispered, smiling.  
“Say that one more time and I will-” Janus had yanked me backwards, onto my bed.  
“Oh, Virgil. I miss you too. I know things ended on very bad terms but I was hoping we could try make amends!”  
“I don’t want to. What don’t you get?!” I cried.  
“Liar. Anyways, Remus is very lonely these days, you know! No big brother, No Virgin- I mean Virgil to annoy...”  
“You’re proving my point.” I glared at him.  
“No, _you’re_ proving mine!” He pointed at me. “You can’t just ditch the people who raised you, who you’ve been with for your entire life for some strangers and _not_ miss them. It’s impossible!”  
“Then I guess I’m impossible.” I snapped back at him.  
“Liar! You keep lying to me thinking I won’t know! You’ve gotten so sloppy, Vee!”  
I could feel my teeth grinding together.  
“You never told me why you came here.” I decided to change the subject. “You just said ‘I miss you,’ and you’re not the romantic type.”  
Deceit smirked. “I’ve decided to help you, Vee. To make up for what happened. I found out I can do something.”  
Well this wasn’t gonna be good.  
“Janus, whatever it is, don’t do it.” I sat up, and stared at him seriously. He chuckled, and grabbed my face.   
“You haven’t changed a bit, Vee. You’re still as naïve as ever. You know you can’t change my mind.” He was still giving me that strange smile.  
“Janus... don’t do it. I don’t know what it is you’re going to do, but I know you. And that’s know I know it’s probably a terrible idea.” I decided to add one petty comment in there, but this just made him laugh and smile wider.  
“You’re so consistent! I love it! These ‘light sides” could never change who you really are, Virge. Come back to us after all this is done, alright?” He turned away from me and towards the door.  
“Deceit!” I called out. He gave me one glance, before flicking his hands towards me, causing me to pass out.  
I always hated how he could do that.


	3. New Reality

I woke up in what I assumed to be Patton's room. "Dee, what the...."  
I was wearing Patton's clothes.  
His blue polo shirt, the grey cat hoodie, all of it.  
I looked in the mirror. My eyeshadow was gone, and my eyes weren't baggy at all.  
"Darn it." I said loudly. "Darn it." I said again. I couldn't swear. I came bursting into my room. "Patton?" I said to me - him?"  
"Virgil! Do you - uh - do you know what's going on, kiddo?"  
I remembered my interaction with Deceit the night before.  
"No." I lied "What about you?"  
"Couldn't tell ya! This is all kinda... crazy, isn't it?" I could tell he was trying to lighten the mood, but the pain in his eyes as he said that. It was like the whole 'happy, woo-hoo!' facade had been stripped away.  
"You're not holding up too good, are you?" I asked him, worried.  
"No." He whispered. "I'm really not." He looked up at me and a tear fell out of his eye. "I can't stop thinking, Virge. What happens if I die? What happens if I'm not good enough? What happens if I'm like this forever? What's this doing to Thomas?"  
"You'll be okay, I promise. Let's go tell the others, okay?"  
He nodded along with me.


	4. Held Back

I walked merrily down the stairs. I tried to hunch over while I walked, but I couldn't. It was like it was impossible, and I saw Patton/Virgil/me try to stand up straight and smile. Neither were working.  
Roman was already downstairs "Patton!" He cried happily "When are you making breakfast? I'm starving!" He ignored Patton/Virgil, and I could see the pain in his smile. "Actually, Roman, we have something to tell you..."  
Logan then came down the stairs too, ignoring Patton/Virgil and simply nodding at me.  
"Anyways, um Pa-Virge-Patton, shoot what do I even call you?" I turned to... him with a confused expression.  
"I don't know."  
I went to explain, but my mouth wouldn't move. I kept trying and trying and-  
"What did Deceit do this time?" Roman looked angry. He made a little writing motion with his hand, and I grabbed a pen, but could only write one word. I handed it over to... Anxiety and he was the same. So, we passed it between us and let the other sides read it.  
"How did it happen though?" Roman asked me.  
"Yes, I'd quite like to know that too." Logan looked accusingly at me. He knows, I told myself. He knows everything.  
"I- um..." I couldn't speak any more again. I didn't even try.  
"You what?" Logan seemed more aggressive now, and I pointed to my mouth.  
"Mmmmmmm!"  
"Strange, just as you were about to tell us, you can't." His expression was icy.  
"Oh, please, Shernot, you don't think Virgil...Patton, whoever, is lying? He hates Deceit! Don't be ridiculous!" Roman scoffed and turned around to face me. I smiled slightly "Thanks, Roman."  
"Oh yes! Thank you, Roman, for keeping my little boy safe!"  
I turned around and Deceit was there, at the top of the stairs. He yanked my... Patton... Anxiety's hoodie and looked him in the eye, analysing him. "Not a good fit at all. What on Earth am I to do now? Ooh! I have an idea! How about the accuser takes his place instead!" He looked at Logan, and Logan's eyes widened in fear.  
"Afraid, are we Logic? This must defy all the science you know!"  
"Why - no how are you doing this? I don't understand! You're a liar, and that's it!"  
"Logie, poochie-kins, you think you know everything. You think this world is set in stone. Reality is a lie, all of this is bullshit! As a scientist, you should know that everything we "know" about science is just a theory. That's it! And, since this world is a lie, I can control it, change it how I want to."  
"You sound like Remus" Roman said, slightly disgustedly, "I thought you were... slightly more... I don't know... sane than he is!"  
Deceit snapped his head around to Roman. "Well, at this rate, we're all just having a bit of a shuffle, aren't we! Let's have some fun! But don't worry, Virgil." He looked at me how he used to, with care in his eyes. "I'll make sure you never have to go back."


	5. Shuffle

I sat upright and jumped straight to a mirror.  
"Holy shit," my mouth was wide open. "No way. He knows how much I hate him - how much I hate this." I was wearing the red satchel with the white and gold trimmed shirt.  
I was Creativity.  
Suddenly Thomas summoned - summoned, really - us all to the recording area.  
"Someone has better explain what's going on right now, or else I'm going to start crying. And I mean it!" He said, tears already welling in his eyes.  
"Well, you see Thomas..." Logan... Anxiety...said, "It's quite complicated."  
Thomas then proceeded to burst into tears, right there in the middle of the room. I was glad to see that he wasn't being a huge crybaby, because it was obvious he was trying his best to contain it.  
"I think that's me." Said Morality... whoever, who also had tears running down his face. "This is not Prince like," Roman hissed to himself "pull yourself together, you are a king among men - sides."  
Logic - who I assumed to be Patton, unless Remus had decided to join us - also had tears running down his face. "Aren't you supposed to be Logical now?" I hissed at him. "We can't his his main controller of emotions and Logic crying like babies!"  
"Virgil, they're scared." Said Logan... Anxiety harshly.  
"Did you just call him Virgil?" Thomas stopped crying and stared at Logan. "You're Virgil! You're Anxiety!"  
"That's where you're wrong." I turned to stare at him. "I'm Virgil, but I'm... creativity now." I said the word with disgust. I don't get paid enough for this bullshit. I don't even get paid. I thought to myself.  
"If you're Virgil... then who's that?" Thomas said anxiously  
"That is Logan!" He said indignantly.  
Thomas' jaw dropped slightly. "Right, okay and that's..." he said, pointing to Morality  
"Roman! Thomas, how could you not tell?!" He cried, offended.  
"So I assume that's Patton," Thomas said, pointing to Logic and ignoring Roman.  
"Yep! That's me!" He tried to sound upbeat, but his voice was so monotone he just sounded annoyed.  
"You still haven't explained who did this!" Thomas said, looking at me.  
"You think I did this?!"  
"Virgil, that's not what I meant..."  
But I was already storming upstairs again. I wanted to go into my room, but I couldn't, so I stormed into Roman's room and slammed the door shut.  
It was just like two days ago.  
"History really does love to repeat itself, doesn't it?" Deceit was sat there, waiting in the room.


	6. Liar

"What do you want, Deceit?" I snapped, crossing my arms dramatically. "You put me here, in Roman of all people!"  
He rolled his eyes at me. "Okay, I admit it wasn't my brightest moment, but I couldn't exactly put Logan there, could I?!"  
"You could've put Patton here!" I argued.  
"That would've been too easy! They need to know how it feels to suffer! They need to learn how hard it is to be someone you don't want to be! I am only here to educate, Virgil, not to harm!"  
"Well you're kinda failing. Badly."  
"Virgil, I'm trying to help!" He looked at me with pleading eyes.  
"Janus, are you ever going to switch us back?"  
There was a moment of silence, and Deceit turned slowly to look at me.  
"Switch... you back? Why would you want that? You're officially a light side! You're what you worked so hard to be! You're one of them, truly. And being one of them makes you happy, doesn't it? Because you're not "evil". Not like we are."  
"Stop being so dramatic, Janus you're not evil. We were made like this, we didn't get a choice."  
"But now you do! And you want to go back? To that?" He looked confused.  
"I don't know! I'm the only one who knows how to make Thomas feel better! They don't. And if something bad were to happen to Thomas... that's on me."  
"Nothing bad will happen to him, Virge! Nothing! He'll be..."  
"He might not be! You can't tell me that for certain, okay? Because you don't know for certain."  
The silence that hung between us was heavy, and I fidgeted uncomfortably. Deceit left, I didn't know where he went, and I didn't care either. He took away my job, the one thing I was good at. I was angry, I was sad, and I was worried. And I didn't know if it was Logan's fault, or my own.


	7. Ex-Boyfriend

Since it wasn't clear last time,  
Virgil = Creativity  
Roman = Morality  
Patton = Logic  
Logan = Anxiety

I skipped down the stairs merrily, even though I felt awful. It was all my fault, all of it. Because I was too selfish. I was too demanding. I was too needy. It was all my fault and now I had all Thomas' hopes and dreams riding on me.  
"Hey kiddo!" Patton/Logic said dully. He was making a cup of coffee, while Roman/Morality and Logan/Anxiety still had streaks of tears down their faces.  
"Are you guys okay?" I asked them. Roman burst out into tears and Logan began hyperventilating, and then forcing himself to calm down. I knew what it looked like because I'd been in the same position so many times before.  
"I'm... somewhat struggling." Logan said matter-of-factly. "How did you do this every day?" He asked me, and I could see the anxiety in his eyes.  
"I asked him the same thing." Patton called from across the room.  
"You get used to it eventually. It's hard at first but you'll be fine." I realised that this wasn't the most comforting thing to say to him, but I wasn't one to sugarcoat things - or lie.  
"There's something I have to tell you guys." I said loudly. My heart pounded, but I guess being a prince came with more courage too. They deserved to know why their lives had been flipped around "Th-the reason why this is happening - it- it's..."  
"No it's not." Logan interrupted me. "You cannot blame yourself for Deceit's actions. He made the decision to switch us all. That was his choice. Not yours." Logan said firmly.  
I was surprised at this, partially because he's predicted my next words exactly, but also because I could've sworn he hated me. I was irrational Anxiety, the opposite of Logic. How could he be nice to me?  
"Logan, you don't understand, okay?"  
"Like I said, Virgil, it's not your..."  
"Deceit and I dated! Okay! So- so- I don't know - I should've known better. I should've known him better and- and not- ugh. I just- I shouldn't have reacted like that after what you guys said, okay?"  
"Virgil, you cannot blame yourself for your natural reaction to somebody else's words. What I said... was in a heated and emotional state, however, that does not excuse my words and actions. For that, I apologise."  
"It's fine, Logan." I replied, embarrassed. I didn't mean to make him feel bad.  
"No, it is not. Do not blame yourself for the actions of others, Virgil. That is not okay."  
"Can we just go back to the part where Logan has emotions?" Roman said "'Cause I didn't know that."  
"Don't be silly. Of course he has emotions." Patton said "Thomas has emotions, so do the rest of us. It just makes sense."  
"Can we also go back to the part where Virgil and Deceit dated, please? Because, wow, I never knew. I mean, in hindsight, it's obvious that's why you hate him so much, but- I mean- wait, why do you hate him so much?"  
I looked around at the other sides, my friends, though I suppose this title was new.  
"I guess it's time I told you why I hate Janus so much"


	8. Janus And Virgil

This is a flashback chapter, and until stated the next few chapters will be too!

"Janus! Hey, asshole!" I yelled at him jokingly "Come here!"  
He turned around, pretending to be offended "Why, Virgil! You'd call your sweet papa Deceit an asshole? How rude of you!" He was wearing his usual smirk and was pulling down one bright yellow glove. "Never call yourself 'Papa Deceit' again. It's super weird." I said, stepping back from him a little. He grabbed me by my hoodie and pulled me very close to his face.   
"Papa Deceit. What are you going to do about it, hmm?" His smirk was even wider now.  
I pushed him away a bit, severely blushing, and not happy about it, so making myself blush even harder "Just... don't call yourself that; it's weird." I crossed my arms and turned away to go to my room and hide from Remus - his loudness and... non PG stuff was worst in the mornings and late at night - "And besides, I only needed you to ask you to keep Remus away from me until he's less nuts. You always know how he is in the mornings." Deceit, of course, was rolling his eyes. "Virgil, you're absolutely no fun. And, fine. So long as you take him tomorrow. Thomas has an arrangement that he doesn't really want to go to. Deal?" He said, his hand towards me.   
"Ugh, fine, guess I don't have a- hey!" As I shook Janus' hand, he yanked me towards him and kissed my forehead. "See you later" he teased as I blushed and muttered "Jackass." Deceit heard this and laughed at me,   
"Virgil, if you're going to call me names, at least do it to my face, not all turned away like that!" I knew what was about to happen, so I sprinted to my room as fast as I could, and closed the door. Tomorrow was definitely going to be something, with no Deceit and babysitting Remus.   
Why the fuck did I agree to this again?


	9. Babysitting Remus

"Virgil!" Remus burst in, smiling widely and uncannily. "We haven't had a day to ourselves for such a long time! How have you been?!"  
"I've been great, Remus. How have you been?"  
"Perfectly well! isn't this nice! Us two buddies, hanging out like bros!... Like bros..."  
I could see that Remus was thinking about Roman again, and I honestly felt bad for him. Deceit kept him hidden away here where he could cause no mischief and only annoy us. He hadn't seen Roman for a long time now.   
"You alright Remus? Should we go play Mariokart?" He perked up at that suggestion. He loved Mariokart.  
"Ha! have fun losing, Virgin- oh, I meant Virgil."  
"Alright then, it's on you pickley trash man!"  
We raced downstairs to see who would get player one. Of course, Remus won - only because he cheated though.  
He turned it on and chose Wario, and I chose toad. Because of my title and skill - anxiety - I could move the controller very fast when I became panicky (which was often, since Remus loved to taunt me) which was a slight advantage. His driving was all over the place, and he seemed to only want to slow me down. Whenever I did win, I would laugh victoriously and then Remus was annoy me by - well most people could guess.  
However this time, like most times, Remus won every game. We played video games all day until Deceit came.   
"Ugh. Light sides. Stuck-up pricks, all of them!" he seemed annoyed, which was common after he went to see the light sides.  
"You okay, Deceit?"  
He smiled at me. "Of course! Papa Deceit can take care of himself!" he then ran up to me and picked me up like a baby.   
"Deceit I'm not a child! Put me down!"  
"Please, apart from Remus you're the youngest one here!"  
"Deceit I'm literally older than you!"  
"Bah! Premature forms don't count!"  
"Yes they do!"  
Remus was laughing his ass off, as expected.  
"Virgil, if you don't wanna be treated like a kid, maybe don't bicker like one you ickle bickle baby - awwwwww" he cackled maniacally.  
I tried to push Deceit away but he was much stronger than me. He was laughing too.   
"Good one, Remus!" he said, nearly crying. I was, of course, bright red.   
"Shut the fuck up! I mean it guys! I'm going to kill you both!" I was super pissed at this, and just sat in his arms; I knew he'd get bored soon enough.   
"Alright, alright Virgin boy! I'll stop." Remus said, bowing as he always did when his joke was over. However, he stopped mid-bow and said. "Just one last joke - would the grump baby like his bottle!" He then stood upright, took me out of Deceit's arms and squirted milk in my face. I then panicked, and shoved them angrily.   
"I'm going to kill you Remus!" I yelled!  
"Oops! Is somebody angry?" He smirked at me. I could tell based on his stance that he was getting nervous too. I was about to punch him out of pure rage when Deceit grabbed me and dragged me off. "It's clear to see you two have had enough of each other today. Such a shame, it was going so well." Deceit pushed me into my room and I sat on my bed, ashamed. I was never one for violence but Remus? Remus really set me off. His opposite of kid-friendly demeanour, yet kid-like aspect of always taking the joke too far was a horrible combination that I hated.  
Yet the only people we had was each other, I mean, the rejects had to have each other's backs, right?. I opened my door and yelled for Remus. He came up the stairs, stone faced for once.  
"Yes?"  
"Sorry. Just don't pour milk on me again. I hate milk. It stinks."  
He smiled at me and started laughing again.  
"Thank God! I thought you were gonna punch me! Alright, Virgin boy, I won't do it again."  
"Thanks." I said as I closed the door. Somehow, Deceit had made his way into my room.  
"Very mature of you, Virgil, especially considering it was obvious you were about to throat punch him."  
"Shut up Janus."  
"Still grumpy are we?" He stood up with flair and I knew what was about to happen.  
"Oh no. Get out."  
"Nope!"  
He grabbed me and tickled me so much that I couldn't breathe. I was rolling on the floor, tears in my eyes, and trying to kick him away. When he decided that it was enough I had to dry my face.  
"There are so many other things you could do except for tickle me."  
"I know. It's just the one that amuses me the most."  
He then kissed my cheek and disappeared.   
Typical Janus.


	10. Visitor

Even though the air between Remus and I had been cleared, I still felt uneasy.  
Maybe it was the fact I am the literal personification of Thomas' anxiety, but since then I just felt... off. Deceit seemed more overprotective, and Remus was always keeping me busy. I didn't know what was going on, and part of me wanted to continue to live in ignorance, but another wanted desperately to know. I tried eavesdropping, but Janus was too good for my mediocre skills. What was going on?  
Eventually, something slipped. Deceit came home after spending another day with the light sides, and right afterwards came a knock. Janus jumped up to get it.  
"What exactly do you want?"  
"We have to meet him, Deceit! It's only fair! We've met all the other fully-formed sides! We haven't seen him since he was... well..."  
I had no idea what they were talking about. You see, us sides don't really fully develop for about 10 years, and the first three of those we are in a "premature state" where we're all just animal instincts. I'm one of the oldest, but i like the rest I didn't mature for five years, which is why Deceit thinks of me as younger. Remus is a tricky one. Thomas' imagination has always been around, it split into two in the premature years, and we're still not really sure if Remus has developed yet. We're holding out hope that he hasn't and with time he'll get better. He probably won't.  
"Yes I'm well aware of that Logan, but he shouldn't have to deal with your bullshit logic and blaming. I know why you want to see him, I'm not stupid. You're going to blame him for what happened last week."  
"Well who else could it be! Thomas has been acting anxious ever since that happened! That's literally his name!"  
That's when I realised they were talking about me, so I butted in.  
"Actually, it's literally my job. He'd be dead ten times over if it weren't for me." My heart thudded and Deceit glared at me, but I knew I could hold my own.  
"Are... you anxiety?"  
"No I'm creativity! What do you think?"  
"I will assume that that is sarcasm."  
"You'd be right."  
"I'm Logan."  
"I don't care. Leave."  
He was shocked by my answer.  
"Don't you want to meet us?"  
"I'm literally anxiety personified. Use your brain."  
The idea of speaking to new people... I started to get anxious again, and feel nauseous. Talking to him was bad enough, but more people? No.  
Logan looked around anxiously, as if he could read my thoughts. "Never mind then. I'll get going now."  
"Wonderful!"  
Deceit slammed the door shut and slowly turned to face me. I honestly thought he was going to scream; he clearly hated dealing with the light sides.  
He clapped his hands and broke out into a smile, and Remus cackled loudly.  
"Oh his face! Oh Vee, that was priceless!" Deceit said giddily. "You really have fully matured, haven't you?" he ran up to me and hugged me.  
"I guess I have." I said, half laughing.  
We spent hours after that talking about it, and how well I'd handled my anxiousness.  
"You'll be out of here and antagonising them in no time! My baby bird of finally flying out of the nest!"  
"Deceit I'm older than you! How many times!"  
"Premature forms don't count!"  
"Yes they do!"  
I went to sleep at an all time high, feeling as if I was floating. This really was the best place to be.


	11. Antagonising Them

"Virgil! Guess what!" Deceit called up the stairs giddily.  
"What?" I called back down, exhausted.  
"You get to go antagonise the light sides for the very first time!"  
I rolled out of bed and nearly smacked my head on the side, but then scrambled up to open the door.  
"Seriously?!"  
"Seriously! And, I've got you a present!" he said excitedly. I ran out the door and down the stairs to see Deceit with black eyeshadow and a black hoodie.  
"Janus! You know me so well!" I was touched by the thought that went into his gift.  
"Here now, baby let me put this on!"  
"Don't call me baby. Ever." I glared at him.  
Deceit clapped his gloved hands together merrily. "Practicing already! My little Vee!"  
He sat me down and excitedly did my eye makeup whilst chattering away happily. "Oh, they're just going to hate you! You'll be great! The looks on their faces, the hatred that they can't share because of their bullshit idea that they're better than us, and that they have to be pure wittle babies! God I hate them! I just know you will too, Vee. They're so goddamn annoying! "  
I suddenly became nervous. Hate me? I didn't mind a slight disliking but hatred? I didn't know if I could take it. Their eyes, all on me and my messing up, waiting for my downfall, for the moment I cracked, for the moment they could laugh sickeningly at me...  
"Deceit are you sure this is a good idea?" My nerves were running high.  
"Oh, of course! Don't be silly! I promise Vee, no matter what, I'm always here for you."  
His words gave me strength, and before I knew it I was out the door.   
Between the Light house and the Dark house was a small room that Deceit called the Studio. It was big and looked just like Thomas' living room. I'd kind of come across the other sides before, when I'd do my duty - or get bored... or anxious - of giving Thomas a rush of anxiety. I could sometimes hear or see them trying to stop it, or help him with the aftermath. Either way, right off the bat, I knew they were going to dislike me, and that was at the very least. I walked into the studio and there was a man in a blue tie, the one I'd seen before.   
"What was your name again?" I asked nonchalantly.  
He straightened his tie and answered, "Logan. You're Anxiety, correct?"  
"Yeah."  
"Is there anything else I can call you? Do you have a name?" He seemed uncomfortable, but Janus always told me that that was good, so that's what I wanted. It was going well.  
"Just call me Anxiety."  
"Right then."  
We sat in awkward silence for a few minutes before a loud man in white, with a red sash, walked in. "It is I, Roman!" He turned to face me and pointed at me. "Who..." he quieted down at this point and lowered his finger, "are you?"  
"Anxiety. It's a horror meeting you."  
"You!" He sounded outraged, shocked even. "Well! I doubted you'd have the strength to show yourself after last week!"  
"What did I do again?"  
He gasped loudly.  
"Oh! Nothing much! Just giving Thomas an anxiety attack and ruining his day! We had plans you know! And cancelling that late felt awful!"  
"So I did my job well. Great!"  
This seemed to really piss him off, and I thought he was going to start yelling again, but a guy in a grey hoodie, blue shirt and glasses walked in. "Roman! How are we bud! Ooh! Who's this nice fella!"  
"That's Anxiety."  
"Oh."  
Based off of that reaction, I could tell i was no longer 'this nice fella' and had probably, in his mind, become a demon of sorts... or - maybe - I hoped I had.  
"Hi." I said annoyed. God, these idiots were annoying.  
"Uhm- y'alright over there? Not gonna cause another anxiety attack are ya, hah... cause that would be pretty annoying!"   
He tried smiling at me, but I glared back and he just gave up and looked away awkwardly. Suddenly there was a countdown, and numbers blaring in front of us. Obviously, I jumped and covered my ears. The man in white smirked, but the man in blue looked sort of... sympathetic, and I realised this was one of the moments of laughter, where they waited for my downfall and expected me to demand their praise because of embarrassment, or shame.   
As if.  
As the numbers counted down I remembered one thing, my one mission.  
I had to antagonise the Light sides. I had to make Deceit proud.


	12. Talk With Thomas

Suddenly we were in what I assumed to be Thomas' living room. It was dirty, dark and very small. "Jeez, what a mess. Do you ever think to clean in here?"  
"Ah!" He yelled, shocked. "Who are you? Don't tell me my emo phase actually became a side!" He groaned at the very idea of the last sentence.  
"What? No! I'm your anxiety." I said, gesturing to myself. "And I'll have you know that emo fashion isn't something to make that face over! You liked it at one point, and you'll like it again eventually!"  
He looked surprised at the first statement, and bore an expression of surprise through the rest of what I had to say.  
"I honestly don't know if that's better or worse." He said, in shock.  
"Oh, definitely worse! He's a dark side, Thomas!" The man in white, Romania? No, Romus? No, Roman.  
"A dark side? What's that?"  
"You don't know?" I laughed at him. "You're however old you are - basically an old man really - and you don't know what a dark side is? Don't tell me I'm the first you've met! What else would..." Suddenly I couldn't speak. I had meant to say "What else would Deceit leave the house all the time for?" but nothing came out.  
Roman laughed nervously.  
"Yes, you're the first Thomas has met. That's all that needed to be said." He looked at me harshly.  
"What? If you have something to say, then say it you dramatic idiot!" I glared back.  
He gasped loudly.  
"Point proven."  
"Wait, backtrack a second for me." Thomas interrupted. "There's more of you?"  
"Oh, yeah! But, since I love giving you a reason to be anxious and - y'know - doing my job, I'll let you use your imagination!" I smirked at him triumphantly. The light sides seemed a little relieved at my secrecy, and I couldn't help but wonder why.  
"Well, now we've been introduced, why the hell am I here?" I didn't want to be in the presence of these uselessly optimistic light sides any longer than I had to be.  
"Last week." Glasses guy replied. "We can't have that again."  
"Yeah..." The hoodie guy chirped in, "can you, uh, lay off on the - uh - anxiousness for a bit?"  
"No." I replied flatly  
"Please? C'mon, you know that doing this is just inconveniencing Thomas, right?"  
"No, it's not. I'm doing my job. And if you don't understand that, then that's your problem. Not mine."  
"Anxiety... please. I understand that from the very beginning of our existence, we were fated to be enemies, but please..." Roman pleaded with me.  
"First of all William Shakeshit, enough of the poetry. Second of all, fated to be enemies? Egotistical of you to assume I don't hate all of you equally."  
"Well at least we know there's no bias?" Hoodie guy - Patterned? - suggested.  
"Patton, that is quite literally the definition of a bias." Glasses man replied.  
"Look, I hate to break it to you, but giving anxiety attacks and panic attacks is what I do. It's my job. And I don't intend on quitting any time soon. Cry all you want, it won't change a thing."  
They all seemed pretty annoyed at this.  
"Any way you can tone it down? Just a little?" Patton asked.  
"No."  
"Or, even better, find a new job! Go be Logan's librarian or something!" Roman said, trying to smile. I glared in reply, and his smile broke.  
"Sorry guys, you can't get rid of anxiety by having a sweet little chat. I'll lurk forever in your mind, Thomas. Everywhere and anywhere you go, I'll be with you. That's a promise I intend to keep."  
Thomas had blatantly given up, so we were sent back up to the headspace.  
"Idiot!" Glasses man hissed at me. "If you'd have revealed either of the other dark sides Deceit would've figuratively killed us!"  
"That would be fun to watch."  
Glasses man calmed himself down, with the help of Patton, and walked away.  
"Send my regards to Remus, if you will." Roman said to me, bowing his head. "I hope I see him again soon." I doubted the sincerity of that statement, and he too walked away, glancing back at me anxiously.  
"Hey, kiddo! You don't mind if I call you kiddo, do you?"  
"Actually I do."  
"Kiddo, for Thomas' sake, tone it down. Please."  
He then ran off to join his two friends, and I wondered what it was like to be a light side, to bask in the glory, to never be wrong, to be loved, to be wanted, to be able to do your job without being a nuisance.  
God, I envied them all.


	13. Trouble With Deceit

When I walked into the house, Deceit and Remus were both sat there waiting for me.  
"Hey guys, what's up?"  
"What the fuck was that." Deceit said bluntly. "You nearly fucking exposed me."   
Deceit was never one to swear two sentences in a row, he liked to articulate his words and use fancy language that nobody knew the definition of, so based on the many 'fucks' in his sentences I could already tell he was pissed.  
"What did I do? I annoyed them, just like you said!"  
"You nearly gave me - us - away!" he gestured at himself and Remus.  
"Yeah, what even was that? We could've been exposed early and forced to come out, or worse, merge with them! I mean, god, Virgil how dumb do you have to be?"  
That last sentence rang out in my mind.  
How dumb did I have to be?  
How dumb did I have to be?  
How dumb did I have to be?  
How dumb did I have to be?  
How dumb did I have to be?  
I looked up at Deceit and Remus, and I was met only with angry looks and harsh eye contact.  
"You didn't tell me. How was I supposed to know?" I said quietly.  
"By using your fucking brain? It's not that hard to infer, dipshit." Janus spat.  
I looked down again. I had to leave. I had to leave. I had to leave. I couldn't even manage a word as I ran up to my room to cry. They hated me. This was it. They were going to get rid of me, weren't they? Nobody wanted me. How could I blame them? All I ever brought was trouble. Oh god, what had I done? I should've known better. It was all my fault. All of it. I wanted to sink into my pity hole forever more. And when the alarms started flashing and nobody came to help, I knew that this was my punishment. The light sides would never take me. They were all I had. I had to cling to them and make them want me. Oh god, I needed them. My pity hole got bigger. Would they want me? Or need me? Evidently they didn't. I was useless, a fool, easily discardable. Who could ever want me? I didn't deserve them. They deserved so much better. They deserved a better Anxiety. I sniffled and cried for hours and hours, and for quite a long time the alarm blared. It was so loud I could barely hear the knock at the door, and the Patterned mans voice. He was saying something about "turning it off." and Janus only said that this was their punishment. I wept harder, as I realised how much this would make them hate me. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiotidiotidiotidiotidiotidiotidiotidiotidiotidiotidiotidiotidiotidiotidiotidiotidiotidiotidiotidiotidiotidiotidiotidiotidiot.   
God, I was such an idiot.


	14. Intruder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (l idk how AO3 works so sorry) from now on these updates will be posted in real time! i’ve been reuploading from Wattpad, so i’m sorry if the updates are scarce!

At this point I had been crying for hours. The alarms had only gotten louder, and they rang throughout the halls of the house. My thoughts felt so loud I was surprised nobody could hear them. Suddenly I heard a bang on my window, and jumped. There was the prince guy, and he looked at me pleadingly to be let in, almost like a dog. Shaking, I got up and unlocked the window, and opened it to let him in.  
"Well you look miserable." He said, a little too loud.  
"Shhh!" I hissed. "They'll hear you!"  
He apologised with his eyes, and spoke quieter.  
"What happened? They told us this was our punishment, but you can't really fake a panic attack. At least, not this well."  
"It doesn't matter. You should go!" I whispered.  
"As if. Here you are, shaking and crying, and they're not even helping you! What kind of friend does that?" He seemed angry.  
"Don't talk bad about them! They're good to me, okay? I messed up, it was my fault." Thinking about it again made me feel nauseous, and the alarms came on again.  
"Okay, okay! Let's calm down now! What happened? I'm sure it wasn't your fault!"  
I could feel the tears forming in my eyes, and Roman hugged me close. His arms felt safe, and soft. Much softer than Janus'. I cried harder.   
"It's all my fault." I cried.  
"No, no it's not. I promise, Virgil. I'd never lie to you, okay? So you can tell me, I promise."  
Could I tell him? No, no way. Everything Janus had done was to help me. He never meant to hurt me, he could be mean sometimes but he always apologised, even if it was awkwardly done. He did truly care, he just made mistakes.  
"Please, just go Roman. Before they find you."  
He held me at arms length with sad eyes. "Please be careful, okay?"

Present Day  
"Hey, I remember that!" Roman/Morality said.  
"Dude." Patton/Logic said monotone "Did you seriously have to interrupt him! We were just getting to the good pat of the story."  
"Whilst that is true," Logan/Anxiety said, "I think we need a small break from whatever mess Virgil is about to explain. He probably needs to... what's the phrase... "hype himself up" to say it."  
"Do you mean "psych himself up?" Roman/Morality interrupted.  
"Roman you seem to have an obsession with interrupting people today. Kindly let people finish what they are saying." Logan said, monotone.  
"Right... sorry." Roman looked away, embarrassed.  
"It's alright, Roman, just don't do it again please. Now, anyone want some tea?"  
"Can I have hot chocolate?" Patton/Logic asked.  
"It'll have to be instant hot chocolate, I'm not boiling milk and water."  
"That's fine."  
"Can I have some too?" Roman asked, quietly. Logan sighed.  
"Children, the pair of you. Virgil, Creativity, whatever you wish to be called-"  
"Virgil. Call me Virgil." I interrupted.  
"Virgil. I'll make you some as well. Since there's three of you having it now, I'll make proper hot chocolate. Is that alright?"  
I admired how Logan was still so practical even though the entirety of my Anxiety was being placed on him. It was kind of weird, Anxiety would never be this logical. And on top of that, I was still insanely worried, but I now had three thousand project ideas on top of the worry. It was strange. If we had switched places, why was I still so anxious? Why was Logan still so practical? It didn't make any sense. I wondered who to ask, since Logan was no longer Logic, and Patton... didn't seem to be being very logical.   
Damn, this week had been a mess.


	15. Forgiveness

**Flashback**  
I sat in Roman's arms, wondering how long he would stay here for. He was being nice to me, though I wasn't sure why. I didn't deserve it, really.  
"You alright there, mister anxious?"  
"Uh- yeah. I'm fine, thanks uh..." my mind went blank. "...Twin Two."  
"Did you just call me Twin Two?" he looked at me quizzically.  
"I forgot your name again." I sighed, admitting to him. I knew lying would attract Deceit's attention, so I didn't.  
"Oh." He seemed sad.  
"Sorry, I didn't mean to!" I looked up at him anxiously, certain he hated me. He laughed, and looked back down at me.  
"Don't worry. Just try to remember, okay? It's Roman! Like... y'know... people who live in Rome!"  
"Yeah, thanks. I'll try to remember."  
"Anxiety, you said you were to blame for this... but it's clear to me that you weren't. I mean, can you make yourself freak out like that?"  
"Well... uh..." I debated on lying, but then remembered Deceit's presence downstairs, unaware of Roman.  
"I've never really tried it... so I'm not sure."  
Just as Roman was about to speak, I heard Janus yell up the stairs. "Virgil, are you alright?"  
Roman and I looked at each other.  
"Shit." I said quietly. Roman scrambled up to the window, and jumped out. I closed it behind him, and sat down on the bed, under the covers, hiding my face.  
"Virgil?" He was much closer now, at the top of the stairs. I felt myself shake and become more and more anxious. Was he going to yell at me? Would be be angry?  
He opened the door and sat at the end of my bed.  
"Hey, Vee, I'm really sorry. I mean it. I panicked, and yelled, and I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have left you here either, I'm so sorry." I could almost imagine his face as he said it.  
I wanted a Janus hug. I was wrong before, they were way better than Roman's.  
I lifted up the covers slightly, and peeked out over the corner. Deceit looked down at me, and dried off my face.  
"C'mere." He said, grabbing me, trying to force me to sit up. I backed away, and he grabbed my face and dried it again.  
"You're making me feel like a bad parent." He sighed.  
"You are a bad parent." I said without thinking. My eyes went wide. "I didn't mean that, I swear! I-"  
I had intended to comfort him, and tell him he was a good parent. How did...  
Ah. Deceit. Right. I was talking to Deceit.  
"Seriously?" I looked at him, and he laughed.  
"Sorry, I don't mean to make you panic so soon."  
"I was trying to be nice!" I rolled my eyes. "That's the last time I try being nice to you."  
"Well, I'm glad you're feeling good enough to insult me. Now, Remus has Mariokart, and if you're not quick he'll start without you."  
I immediately got up, and ran downstairs. Whilst I still didn't feel too good, I wasn't going to let that stop me from trying to win.  
"Oh, you came." He seemed shocked and oddly quiet.  
"You'd better not have started without me, cheater." I sniffled a bit but picked up a controller and smiled evilly at him. "'Cause I'm gonna win."  
He gave me the same smile back and replied "In your dreams, Virgin!"  
"Shut up you dried out pickle!"  
"Isn't that just a cucumber?" Deceit interrupted as he walked downstairs.  
"Janus, shut up!" I grumbled. He sat behind me and put his arms around me.  
“You’re trying to distract me. It’s not gonna work.” I glared at him.  
He laughed. “I can try.”  
“Cheater.” I said, glaring at Remus.  
He grinned. “I’m not doing anything! It’s Janus, not me!”  
Just then I noticed the game was about to begin. I refused to let Remus beat me.  
We played for an hour, Deceit randomly nudging me and Remus constantly attacking me. Somehow, I won most of the games.  
“Ha! I beat you!”  
“That’s not fair!” Remus pouted childishly.  
“Deceit and you worked against me! It was definitely fair. More than fair, actually! It was an achievement!” I stuck my tongue out at Remus as he pouted.  
“God, you really are a bunch of kids, aren’t you?” Deceit said, hugging me still.  
“Would you get off of me, Janus? I’m trying to show off and I can’t do that with a snake around my neck.”  
“Ooh! Low blow, Virgil!” Deceit mocked horror. “I’m offended!” He let go and as I went to go gloat to Remus, he picked me up.  
“Not this again.” I groaned whilst he laughed.  
“Yes, this again!” He smiled at me innocently. “I didn’t do anything wrong!” he claimed.  
“Put me down! Don’t you have to make food or something!”  
He sighed, dropping me onto the couch. “I suppose so. If only there were an anxious, purple-haired, mildly annoying teen to help me!” he said sarcastically.  
“Sorry, there’s only an anxious adult here.” I replied.  
“Really? I don’t see one!” He feigned shock, looking directly at me, and then Remus, and then around the room.  
“I’ll help you if you admit that I’m not a teenager.”  
“Oh, Virgil, I’m only kidding! You’re emotionally a teenager, physically an adult, yes I know!”  
“You’re gonna regret asking me to help, you know.” I smirked.  
“Please, you’re too anxious to do anything Vee. Now, go get me the peppers, would you?”  
“Fine.” I sighed and walked to the fridge, the dramatics of the day forgotten.


End file.
